I am a lonely sweet potato randomly goes to grocery store. Only to make myself less-lonely by meeting a woman who selectively picks her tangerines, or a toddler who screams for more snacks, or cashier– yes, it must be good to meet other people. It will fill up my energy.
But loneliness is a way to pamper yourself, right? Yes, I can do anything by myself! I can… Uhm… Listen to.. The radio, or maybe try walking and find that it is a bless to have neighbors who grow sunflower, and while walking, I can name random stray cat I meet with character from Harry Potter? Brilliant idea.
Yet I feel more lonely. Those all crowds and birds’ chirps along the walk validate my loneliness. Even all the plans are still in my thought.
I should keep a company, maybe. Maybe a cat? No, I am actually afraid of cats. Or… Someone? But wait, will he be okay with me? I mean, look, I am boring and awkward sweet potato. But maybe I can list all the possible small talks that might be interesting.
Okay. Well, um….
There must be something we could talk, right. They say, talk about the day? Oh. Okay, the day. Will it be rain? Is your laundry safe? … Think about something deeper! Deeper! So that he will not be bored.
Okay, what does rain remind you of?
But wait, how if he tells me about something that I don’t wanna hear, like, his past about his first love?
Change question! Okay, let my sweet potato brain think. Books! Talk about books, a history of humankind maybe? No no. I can be drown, I will later question my sanity by offering such suggestion.
So what topic I should bring to the table?
“Miss, it’s Rp 86.000.” Said the cashier.
Oh. Someone is really talking to me. I smile to her widely, it’s like my day is made.
I and he are still there in my thoughts, silently sit to each other. Maybe still compound something to talk. Maybe a debate about how terms “alone and lonely” are completely different, he might think that alone is better that lonely, in a way that alone contains mindfulness. I feel attacked and then I quickly defend myself by blabbering some sloppy arguments about how loneliness is actually human nature.
Or maybe it just end up with no talk at all.
Oh God, even in my thought, I feel a lot lonelier.