To Anisah

Halo, Anisah. Apa kabar kamu? Sudah minum susu Milo dengan 2 sdm gula belum? 😅

Aku Nezha. Entah sejak kapan aku enggan memperkenalkan diri dengan nama kita. Sungguh bukannya aku tidak suka, satu dan dua peristiwa menuntunku menjawab Nezha, jika ditanya nama. Semoga kamu berkenan.

Aku tidak benar-benar ingat hari-harimu saat itu. Apakah saat bangun pagi, kamu ditemui senyum segala penjuru, atau hanya suara berita SCTV dengan pembawa acara Alfito Deanova yang masih kurus. Aku ingin jadi orang pertama yang menyambutmu memulai pagi, mengucapkan, “Halo anak baik, tidurnya nyenyak semalam? Sudah baca doa belum?”

Anisah, banyak yang ingin kusampaikan padamu, tepat di manik mata. Pertama dan terpenting, aku sangat menyukaimu. Rambut keritingmu. Gigi kariesmu. Kulit hitammu. Aku bangga pada semangatmu saat menyusuri masjid, pura-pura detektif memecahkan kasus sendiri. Aku suka rasa penasaranmu. Aku suka saat kamu berpura-pura menjadi ibu yang sibuk mengantar anaknya sekolah dengan sepeda itu, sebuah skenario agar naik sepeda keliling perumahan lebih terasa bertujuan.

I’m truly sorry for those abandoned cries. That crying for help, for attention, or for anger and frustration that remained there, hanging and slowly vanished awkwardly. I am sorry that you have to find a way to calm yourself. Questioning whether you are a true drama queen or just simply a sad kid needs an assurance, and started believing that the former was the answer.

I am sorry that you have to hear those calls in all years of early school; tiang listrik, jerapah, ondo, sutet. I don’t know that it hurt you without you even realized it, but it made you walk while staring the floor, you didn’t want to be seen tall. Luckily, it made you brave to raise hand, in subjects, in class meeting.

I am sorry that you doubt yourself so much, that you forget you hold such sunshine in your smile. That you have power in your voice, swords in your hands to fight for those bullied friends who trust you.

I am sorry for the things that makes you feel unworthy. All those self-questions you secretly forget slowly reappeared, in more petrifying forms now. But it’s okay. I’ll handle it.

Thank you for everything. For every kindness, for your thrist in reading. Thank you that you didn’t mind wearing secondhand clothes. That sparkly shoes and bags worn by friends didn’t really bother you. Thank you for your understanding to your parents, your sisters, your brother. Thank you for making your friends smile and laugh. Some of them, they told me that they feel really happy to meet you. I’m so proud of you. You did a great job.

I like you so much. The world needs to know this fact.

You are loved, a lot.

Author: nezhafath

a klepon-hearted

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