In Months


It’s been a month (or more). Many things happen within thirty days.

I happen to meet people in KRL or MRT, witnessing people come and go from the door. Or waiting in a traffic light, with other million Jakartans rushing themselves in this soul-sucking congestion, breath the polluted air in everyday.

Within 30 days, some people graduate from university, some fail to make it on time, some people get married, some are in their divorce process, some people finally get to meet their family after years in lebaran, some only have videocall while holding their tears back. Some fall in love, some just been cheated on. Some pregnant women still think about what to eat for her first child when there’s no other choice for her but keep on working in a dump, some are lucky enough to have general check-ups worth 2 million in every visit, with those suplemments, nutritious food consumed everyday.

Some just wondering what life has been for her this year, some have clear plan for two or three years ahead.

I do it a lot, wondering what happen these months. And I can say, I experience a lot. I meet many new shades of feeling. They come, suddenly wear themselves on me, without proper introduction.

There are times, I feel that I have to feel certain feelings. When I miscarriaged in my first pregnancy, I think I was too selfish for not thinking a lot about being a mother. As the time goes by, I sometimes think that I have to feel I am left behind, by only doing silent job like I do now, progressing in very quite way.

With this new chance and blessing in my belly, I start to see myself as a person who are transforming. This whole process is miracle. I see this as my personal path, a spiritual journey. And of course, it can’t be compared with any stories that other people shape.

I remember that I write a lot about bettering myself because I want my future children see it all in me. I want to remind me again, why I still want to pursue whatever I wanna pursue.

And every dream that I postpone, I do it whole-heartedly. I don’t take it as I sacrifice anything. It’s not sacrifaction, it is a strategy, and it’s only a matter of time.

God never sleeps. I just need to make Him believe on how dearly I want to fulfill life in absolute fullest and of course, barakah.

And hey, I share this with my life partner. Then it becomes our journey, together. This parenting stuffs, this pursuing dreams. It’s a teamwork requiring us not to stop learning. We’ve got each other’s back,

Insya Allah. 🙂

Author: nezhafath

a klepon-hearted

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