Grown Ups and Their Friendship

Maintaining friendship (in this quarter-life-crisis phase) is hard. Let’s just admit it. No matter how extroverted, how animal party (lol) you are, you will know that situation has changed, life and its complexities piled up, and keeping up with your bestfriends is also another challenge. Luwls.

I’ve been dealing with the on-off kind of friendship with my best ones– up until today, gonna-25-years-old of me. Got my first friend-heartbroken in senior high school, and I still remember how irresistably painful it was. Investing energy, emotion, and time in what so called friendship is something that I don’t really favor to do. It’s burden.

But I did it anyway, simply because I was tamed and I had that kind of urge to tame her back, so it would be a whole and official friendship.

Yes. Speaking of ‘investing’, of course I demand a return in everything I do for her. and ofc I never said it. ~

When I know she started forget me– means she called other friend instead of me when she’s sad, I was irritated. I felt neglected, dumped, forgotten. I was angry and dissapointed, but by saying it outloud, it might highlight my insecurities– and I don’t like to look vulnerable.

Slowly but sure, after long self-monologue I have, and some attempts to understand this weird adulthood phase, I.. kinda let it. I pull off the ties. I let her free. I mean, here I am with new status, new life, new activities, and maybe we just… simply no longer synchronize. I will try my best to get close to the people I deem important, but when they don’t want it, I train myself to accept it. I will hold people who want to be with me, and let those who dont. We’re still friends after all, but maybe it’s just different.

On the other coin, I might do the same thing to other people, anyway.

I can’t promise them that I’ll be on their side, everytime. Because while we’re aging (erhm.) adulting, life gets hard, and the moment with friends– other adults who share the same challenging situation (in any roles they take), is such a gem.

And in this 20ish version of us, you realize that not every bestfriend you love dearly share the same frequency as you, they also will never understand your abstract anxiety about marriage, or your shy-dream, or other social pressure you encounter.

By acknowledging this fact, I found it more relaxing.

Because I know that some people–no matter how busy they are– will appear, will work their asses off to reach you and also answer your reach.

Maybe, we just need to appreciate the people who choose to stay, no matter how hard, while still doing our best to be present, embracing moment we have with our loved ones.

Author: nezhafath

a klepon-hearted

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