Di perjalanan, ternyata kami membicarakan hal-hal tentang diri masing-masing: kegagalannya di SBMPTN, kesibukannya di sekolah, keinginannya untuk bersekolah jauh dari rumah– karena ia lelah menjadi “terkenal” di Surabaya. Ia yang Amanah, ia yang semua-pasti-beres, Ia yang the-yes-girl. Ia ingin pindah ke tempat dimana ia bisa lebih jadi penyimak, pengamat, tanpa banyak dikenali. Me-reset ulang konsepsi tentang diri.
She, in some ways, reminds me of myself. Then I eventually agree that she has unlocked my password.
But, i think i need to revise it: she’s way better: in controlling her expectation, widening her acceptance, in seeing Allah’s plan for her, in husnudzon of Allah’s decision over all her efforts.
I remember the time in 2012, how gloomy i was. It took months– a year maybe, for me to finally accept my fate. I was craving for an answer, i dealt with my dissapointment, arrogance, and question. I didn’t really prepare myself to be in Surabaya and tbh, I didn’t really care about my murobbi’s implied sayin that DS is in its critical points.
And here I am. Tears streaming down, adoring my sister’s husnudzon towards Allah’s plan for her, her relief about bigger possibility to be in Surabaya– and join us. She might hold the grief, she might be tired of trying, yet she never loses her belief.
I learn a lot from her. In dakwah, in widening acceptance, in having a faith in Him.
In embracing life.
Terima kasih ya, Hila.