Day 3 – Ini.

Bunin,
Apa yang kamu lihat ketika memejamkan mata saat berdoa, Bu? Kupu-kupu?
Aku suka melihatmu berdoa khusyukk sekali sehabis solat jamaah. Menyusuri detil wajahmu yang tak lagi muda. Ada beberapa flek, banyak kerutan, kantung mata. Saat itu hidungku perih sekali karena menahan air mata.
Kamu menua, Bu.
Padamu, Bu, aku belajar. Seperti apa itu kepasrahan dan keyakinan penuh terhadap Yang Maha Memelihara. Kau adalah bukti dari segala kemahaanNya.
Kau adalah bukti dari semua tausiyah ustadz di majelis-majelis.
Bagaimana semua urusanmu terlihat selalu dimudahkan. Bagaimana kau bisa menghadapi hari yang penuh dengan masalah dan orang-orang yang sibuk berlalu-lalang, berisik.
Aku tau sumber kekuatanmu, Bu. Aku tahu. Terima kasih untuk semua teladan itu. Maaf aku seringnya diam dan mikir macem-macem.

Ayah.
People envy me because I have a father like you. Seriously.
I dont know how to tell you this, but, you’re that cool. I’m lucky.
I miss the moment when we go to school together with your motorcycle. I hugged you from behind, I hugged your tummy as well. Felt like everything-will-be-fine.
I felt so secure.

I ask for your apologize, this time I couldn’t make you two happy, for not being that can-be-proud-of daughter.
Yes, I’m trying.

Ingin Pandai Berpuisi

Aku ingin membuat puisi.
semerdu milik rangga, sejenius Chairil, sesulitdilupakan Syumandjaya.

Aku ingin membuat puisi.
yang membuatmu memejamkan mata dan tertawa. Imajimu bergerak, hatimu naik turun tidak karuan.
Membaca puisiku seperti sedang jatuh cinta kepada suara hujan.

Aku ingin membuat puisi.
yg melumat habis jinggamu, mendatangkan pelangimu.
Sampai kau lupa caranya bersedih.

Perhatikan rimaku,
Ingat-ingat diksiku.
Aku sedang bercerita ttg seorang pengembara yang diberi wahyu.

Anggap saja dia itu kamu.
Karena, ya. Aku sedang berpuisi tentang kamu.

catatan : semoga kamu tidak mual.

Strong Why

Ada baiknya sebagai manusia harus punya strong why yang fundamental, yang menjadi basis dari segala alasan, yang menjadi akar dalam setiap tindakan. Sehingga nantinya ketika grafik semangat dan iman ini sedang menurun, ada sebuah strong why yang kemudian menahan. Atau ketika grafik langkah ini mulai diskontinu dan terpecah, ada sebuah strong why yang menjaga agar selalu dalam kurva. Sebuah strong why yang hakiki, yang pasti tidak mampu manusia menciptakannya. Strong why yang abadi, bukan hanya mempunyai ijazah lalu selesai, tapi sampai matipun tetap terbawa. Sehingga nantinya kalau sudah di alam sana, ada sebuah cerita dengan benang merah tentang dunia yang kita jalani.

“Dan tidaklah Aku ciptakan seluruh jin dan manusia melainkan untuk beribadah kepadaKu“. QS : Adz Dzariyat [51] :56

Hana Fitriani, one of my perfect reference group.

Day 4 : I (supposed to) know you.

Dear, Beautiful sister.

How are you? Hm… I  read your text again this morning. Thanks for caring me so much.

Ndien, I never had a chance to know you better.

You spent your childhood in a boarding house, far away from home. I grew up without you. At that time, I just know that I have you as my sister when you came home in Eid holiday._. I remember, that time  you always complained about how hot Surabaya was, compared to your Jatinangor.
I said, I never knew you better. I just know that you are very talented girl with those awesome confidence, achievement in mc-ing, ambassadoring, and broadcasting. People won’t believe that we’re a sister. We have an exactly different face.

I never knew you better.

Suddenly, you graduated, you started to live properly in Bandung. You work, you’re marrying a nice guy. You have your amazingly-handsome and cute son.
You finally have your dream family.

I never knew you better.
We never had a time to talk from heart to heart. I never discussed anything to you. Actually, I don’t really comfortable with your lecturing style.

Time goes so fast. You’re already 26. I’m already 18. Maybe this is the right time for me. ‘Cause I used to be more mature than 10 years ago. The age when I hit your butt hard, because you  teased me when you were home in the weekend. Maybe that was your way to be closer with your sister. I rejected that with butt hit.

Last night you texted me. Asked me how am I, have I been well in my new life– college, how my activity in campus goes..

I know from your morning call with dad, I know you tell him everything.

So now you’re facing a big problem. You think that God doesn’t hear your long pray, you endure the pain you feel, patiently find your exit door, but still didn’t find it yet.

You said that family is your biggest motivation to stay. The reason you strong. Because you have the most powerful parents. Our parents.

I’ll be waiting for that moment when we have a time. I promise, that time, I’ll tell you about my plans to make our dreams come true; make our parents proud of us.

Please be strong, Dear. Ilu.

Melu-melu Challenge

Habis jalan-jalan di blog orang-orang. Seru sekali. Lalu menemukan ini dari blog lamanya mbak Vivin . Terus tak copy… terus pingin melu, nggak ngurus wes masio jadul. Ini salah satu caraku supaya produktif.

Ngeblog mahasiswanya kapan?

-suara hati

Iya nanti pasti aku ngeblog mahasiswa. Sekarang mau ngeblog unyu dulu…

day 1 — your best friend
day 2 — your crush
day 3 — your parents
day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)
day 5 — your dreams
day 6 — a stranger
day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
day 8 — your favorite internet friend
day 9 — someone you wish you could meet
day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to
day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you
day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from
day 15 — the person you miss the most
day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country
day 17 — someone from your childhood
day 18 — the person that you wish you could be
day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest
day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression
day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to
day 23 — the last person you kissed
day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory
day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times
day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to
day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day
day 28 — someone that changed your life
day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
day 30 — your reflection in the mirror

ada beberapa yang uwalay ya –‘ yawes gampang.